1. The problem, in a person
Open with one named person and one specific moment. Not "many people struggle with…" — one person, one Tuesday.
[Name] had [specific task] and it took [painful length of time]. Here is exactly what happened.
Why it works: audiences do not feel statistics, they feel Tuesdays.
2. The cost, in one number
Convert the pain into the number your audience already cares about. Money, hours, lives, churn — pick their currency, not yours.
Across [population], that adds up to [number] every [period].
3. The turn
And here is the part that made us angry: [the reason this is avoidable / unfair / fixable].
4. The proof
Three pieces. One from data, one from a story, one from a demonstration or testimonial.
- Data: [metric, before → after]
- Story: [one person, one outcome, one quote]
- Demonstration: [show, do not describe]
5. The ask
One sentence. One action. One date.
I am asking for [specific thing] by [date], so that [specific outcome].
6. The close
End on the person from the beginning, one sentence, no summary.
[Name] should not have to spend another [time] on this. Let's fix it.
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